In an earlier post, I pointed to Chris Harrison’s graphic display on the Bible’s intertextuality- how the Bible is connected within itself.  Well, recently I received an email from Chris and he now has a poster size print available on History Shots. It’s 32 x 18.3 inches for $35…not too bad. There are a bunch of other great graphs in his project titled Visualizing the Bible. Definitely worth a look.

As mentioned in the previous post:

But what about when we play bad notes? What happens when a jazz player plays a wrong note, something that goes outside of the established rules? What happens when he or she intentionally goes outside the rules? This will be the subject of the next post.

We’re looking at the inevitable situation: wrong notes will be played.  So how does this work in the analogy of freedom in the Christian life?

I’ve made another favtape for this post.  It’s called Jazz: Wrong Notes, and you can use it as the soundtrack for this post.

First, I think we need to make a distinction.  There are two types of wrong notes: intentional and unintentional. Intentional wrong notes are played on purpose, with the wrong note in mind, they are not mistakes.  Unintentional wrong notes are mistakes, the player did not expect to hit a note that sounded off or bad, but did any way.  Because of these differences, we could probably classify the notes as “wrong” and wrong.  “Wrong” notes are intended, wrong notes are not.  “Wrong” notes have a premeditated purpose, wrong notes are present mistakes. So with that…

“Wrong” Notes
“Wrong” notes are meant to happen. These occur when the soloist decides to add tension, or dissonance, to their melody. Solists often color outside the lines to make the solo interesting.  When going outside the correct boundaries, the soloist isn’t saying, “These wrong notes are really not wrong at all” but the “wrong” notes point all the more to which notes are right. “Wrong” notes are noticed as such and, if anything, give us a tension that makes us really want the resolution.  It plays on our expectations on where home is.  When we think the soloist is going home, playing a note that beautifully resolves, and the soloist goes somewhere else than a comfortable home, we feel it.  We want to go home and anticipate where home might be.  The tension that we were unexepectedly presented with doesn’t become the new home, but leads us there.

Too much dissonance can end up with a fatigued ear on the part of a listener and with a lack of direction in the music.  This is often intended by free jazz, as evidenced in Ornette Coleman’s “Science Fiction” on the favtape. Sometimes we need some right notes in there to give us direction, to have tension and resolution.  Because without the resolution (or an implied resolution), tension ceases to exist as tension, it all becomes homogenous.

But dissonance can be a great learning tool.  Saying what Christianity is not can be very helpful in determining what Christianity is.

Wrong Notes
Wrong notes are mistakes we make. Jazz is fundamentally a live music.  Being a live music, wrong notes are made all the time.  The soloist plays something that was supposed to sound smooth, but now sounds erratic or disjointed: just plain wrong. If the soloist chooses to keep going, these mistakes don’t have to end the music.  The soloist still has the opportunity to make something beautiful out of the melody, though a wrong note has been played. Just as in our lives as believers, dissonance, our mistakes, do not end the song.  The musicians don’t pick up and leave, but keep going. God doesn’t drop us the second we make a mistake- He might hit the next piano chord a little harder so that we can hear where the right notes are, or He might play the drums a bit more pronounced so that we can hear the tempo better, but He doesn’t stop playing.  He keeps playing, continually inviting us to create something beautiful with Him, and our mistakes end up being part of the song.

And even the best players make mistakes.  Charlie Parker, Miles Davis, Dizzy Gillespie- these are jazz giants.  And they made obvious mistakes on their recordings.  But just because they make an occassional mistake does not discredit the melodies that came from their continual playing.

So “wrong” notes and wrong notes are both going to occur.  But the song keeps going, and we keep playing.  And the more mature we get, the less wrong notes we use, and we will be able to use “wrong” notes in the right places, pointing ourselves and others to our home.

In explaining some of the church’s confessions and creeds to my Worship Leading class, I used an example I often go to: jazz.  Jazz (and I have in mind more straigh-ahead jazz from the 40s to the 70s, like Miles or Coltrane or Brubeck or Parker) has much to offer our lives beyond its music (which is good by itself, too).

I’ve kind of breached the subject on freedom already but there’s so much more to cover in this intersection of music and theology.  And our focus right now is the Creeds of the Church, in general.  More often than not, the major creeds define things negatively- what the subject in question is not. A great example of this is the person of Christ as defined by the four councils of Chalcedon. The four councils mark out what the person of Christ is not- Christ is not only God, Christ is not only man, Christ is not more or less than one person, Christ has nothing more or less than two natures.  This creates four lines, demarcating the lines of where we cannot go outside of.  But these four lines form an area like a square, inside of which we can have freedom to move around and see exactly who the person of Christ is- the positive definition. This is the task left to us.

So where does jazz come in? Jazz comes in as a great metaphor for something we do every day in this arena of positively spelling out our theology.  Let’s look at a typical jazz rhythm section, there’s the drummer, the bassist and the piano player.  The drummer is laying down the tempo, the rhythm, the groove.  The bassist is establishing the tonal foundation, the lowest tones we’ll hear, giving a base for the chords.  The piano player lays out the rest of the chord.  Each are filling in the emptiness the others have and each are contributing to the overall mood of the song.  Now here comes the saxophone soloist.  He hears all these things as boundaries or limits to where this particular song will go.  There’s a tempo, a key, a mood, a length of verse and chorus. The soloist hears these and uses these to create the melody, the solo.  The notes are all within the boundaries, but when put together by this soloist, the melody (and the complete overall sound) is something completely unique.  When it’s the other soloist’s chance to play, she hears the drummer, bassist and pianist and plays another melody line, all within the established boundaries, and also completely unique.  Each soloist is unique, depending on instrument, timbre, influences, what one wants to say versus another, and therefore, each overall sound will be unique.  But none of these have to break the established rules to be unique. This seems to be opposite our culture’s view of what is unique or authentic and what is not.

So this jazz soloist is you and it is me.  When we go about our lives, doing our daily things, we are positively asserting what our theology is. When we choose to sacrifice ourselves and love someone, it is something unique to our situation and easily within the boundaries of what love or humility is. Our creeds and most of theology proper give us the right boundaries for us to positively live out what life is truly meant to be. All of our individual songs will end up sounding different, even if we have the same rhythm section playing the same thing.  They are different and they are good (if keeping within the boundaries).

Hopefully we have the correct boundaries. And if we do, hopefully we will stay within them. The funny thing is, we know when we get outside the boundaries.  We might try and rationalize it, but there’s a dissonance that rings inside of us. But what about when we play bad notes? What happens when a jazz player plays a wrong note, something that goes outside of the established rules? What happens when he or she intentionally goes outside the rules? This will be the subject of the next post.

It’s easy to sometimes read the Bible as just stories and not realize how we are the story. We can read the Old Testament and be astounded at how foolish the Israelites can act without realizing we’re actually calling ourselves foolish because we act in the same way.

This song is about finding ourselves with the Israelites in the wilderness. God has just freed them from their slavery to an evil king so that they might experience life and freedom under a good King. The problem is that they find every reason to complain and ask to be back in bondage in Egypt because living in the wilderness is hard for them. Even though God is providing and caring, it’s still hard. They have a wonderful beautiful land that God has called them to (and which they will ultimately possess) and yet the author tells us over and over again that Israel “grumbled.” They were not content.

And here we find ourselves. If we are one of Christ’s, we are in the wilderness, set free from the bondage and slavery of sin, looking and yearning for the promised land. And living in the wilderness can be rough. We want to go back to those things that enslaved us, even if just for a second in our minds, because we think that thing offers comfort or control or whatever it is that can really only be found in God, the One who is now graciously providing for us in the desert wilderness.

This song is meant to be an affirmation of how hard this wilderness can be, but also a hopeful encouragement to not look to those chains that once bound us, but hope for the freedom of the promised land. That kind of hope aches- it is not easy to hope. It is dangerous and takes us to places we would rather keep locked up. And that’s one of the reasons I even attempt to write songs.

To Those Wandering

download this song

And here’s the lyrics:

To Those Wandering
We’re all crippled darkened souls
Trying to find something that works
And we hold on to it tight
Even if it’s not something that works

We are used up and are beat up
Can we find our way again
To the place far away
From abuse outside and within?

Oh, we all want to find our way home

The dreams we have they mock us
They throw sand in our eyes
Did we escape to the desert
Only so they could watch us die?

There is a hope to redeem
To what was or could have been
I can’t buy that it’s a lie
This whole life that we live

Oh, we all want to find our way home

To our chains
Don’t look back
Oh look on
To the hope we have

Don’t look back
To the chains
That we all
Used to have

But look on
To the hope
That will be
Our promised land

More on this subject of living in our faith, I think bluegrass music in general and Bill Monroe in particular can further illustrate these ideas.  And since this is a site about music and theology, it makes the cut.  Bluegrass music has a great coincidental, lived-in aspect of faith in its music.  The genre itself has spiritual roots.  It also can affirm honest real world situations and emotions (which is why I think bluegrass and hardcore music are similar on many levels).

One often finds songs on bluegrass albums about death or murder side by side with old hymns and sometimes escapist Christianity.  Are the Christianized songs just vestiges of an assumed culture of shallow Christianity? Quite possibly.  But it is also quite possible that bluegrass has a lot to teach us in our supposed modern world of sophistication.

Bill Monroe (often labeled the father of bluegrass) is the classic example of song style and content in the genre of bluegrass.  Themes of love, longing, beauty and death are typical fare.  There are 4 songs in particular that I’d like to look at, and I’ve created a favtape for everyone to follow along.  Put in on in another tab and let it be the soundtrack to the post.

Cryin’ Holy Unto My Lord
This would be your typical Christian song, dealing exclusively with obvious Christian themes.  We are not strangers to God if we are his, and we long to be a part of His holiness. Here are the lyrics:

Crying holy unto my lord
Crying holy unto my lord
Oh, if i could i surely would
Stand on the rock where Moses stood

Sinners run and hide your face
Sinners run and hide your face
Go and run into the rocks and hide your face
‘Cause i ain’t no stranger now

Lord, I ain’t no stranger now
Lord, I ain’t no stranger now
I’ve been introduced to the Father and the Son
And, I ain’t no stranger now

This might be a good place to say that bluegrass may not be the best genre to gain specific normative theological data (no mention of the Spirit here, maybe he was constrained by syllables), and music in general may not be good for this, but the light shed on us and our situation as humans is significant.

Goodbye Old Pal
Moving to our next selection, Goodbye Old Pal is about a man who had to bury his best friend, his horse.  Now I don’t know which is more sad: burying your horse that you love, or not having any human friends to compare to said animal.  Either way, one can feel the pain of losing someone you love, feeling alone and abandoned, moving on in inner turmoil while the one you loved seems to be at peace. It is your basic bluegrass blues, lamenting the despair of life. It’s Kierkegaard in under 3 minutes. Here are the lyrics:

Along about round-up time In Texas way out West I
lost a friend and a pal, boys I laid him down to
rest I weeped and moaned over his grave and to me
boys it was sad ‘Cause I knew down beneath that
mound lay the best pal I ever had

My best pal was my old paint horse and now he’s
gone to rest I laid him down beneath that mound in
Texas away out West Where the cactus blooms over
his grave and the coyotes cry I know he sleeps in
perfect peace beneath the Texas sky

Dear old pal it breaks my heart to leave you here
alone Now I’ll go and ride the range on the Texas
roan But my love for you old pal it shall linger
on I will always think of you although you’re dead
and gone

I Saw the Light
But Monroe doesn’t just sing about pain, he also sings about release and hope.  We are in a dark world, yes- we feel that.  We are poor and bound for pain. But there is something bright in this darkness. Here’s the lyrics:

I wandered so aimless my heart filled with sin
I wouldn’t let my dear Savior in
Then Jesus came like a stranger in the night
Praise the Lord I saw the light

I saw the light I saw the light
No more darkness no more night
Now I’m so happy no sorrow in sight
Praise the Lord I saw the light

Just like a blind man I wandered alone
Worries and fears I claimed for my own
Then like the blind man that God gave back his sight
Praise the Lord I saw the light

Blue Moon of Kentucky and My Old Kentucky and You
This last example is the most nuanced and combines a few of the previous aspects of our lives.  It’s also a prominent characteristic of bluegrass music: the longing for home.  Home is seen as beautiful, a country of hills and grass and untainted nature.  There is a freedom in that place.  However, most songs that have this theme place the singer outside of this home, longing for this freedom and life.

The love of land reminds us that we are part of this earth, not separate from it, and though bluegrass has its fair share of escapism, (I’m looking at you, I’ll Fly Away), this slant firmly plants us in life.  There is also a simplicity in this love- it is not the American dream by any definition, it is unrealized and bitter-sweet.  Sweet because of its hope, bitter because of not being there.  This is the longing that we all have as believers, realizing we are not there and feeling pain and anguish, looking forward to the beauty that will come to all those in Him. Both of these examples speak of a place and a person that calls them home.  Here are the lyrics for Blue Moon of Kentucky:

Blue moon of Kentucky keep on shining
Shine on the one that’s gone and proved untrue
Blue moon of Kentucky keep on shining
Shine on the one that’s gone and left me blue
It was on a moonlight night the stars were shining bright
When they whispered from on high your love has said good-bye
Blue moon of Kentucky keep on shining
Shine on the one that’s gone and said good-bye

Here are the lyrics for My Old Kentucky and You:

There’s a bluegrass girl a-waiting
In the state of Old K.Y.
Way up in the mountains
Where the tall pines touch the sky
Her hair is like the autumn
And her eyes are heavenly blue
I’m coming back to see you
My Old Kentucky and you

She’s the jewel of all the bluegrass girls
A diamond in the rough
Sparkles with love that’s just for me
I can’t see her enough
Her hair is like the autumn
And her eyes are heavenly blue
I’m coming back to see you
My Old Kentucky and you

In the hills of old Kentucky
Where the bluegrass grows so sweet
A scene from heaven here on earth
Where an angel waits for me
Her lips are sweet as honey
And moist as the morning dew
I’m coming back to see you
My Old Kentucky and You

She’s the jewel of all the bluegrass girls
A diamond in the rough
Sparkles with love that’s just for me
I can’t see her enough
Her lips are sweet as honey
And moist as the morning dew
I’m coming back to see you
My Old Kentucky and you

She’s the jewel of all the bluegrass girls
A diamond in the rough
Sparkles with love that’s just for me
I can’t see her enough
Her hair is like the autumn
And her eyes are heavenly blue
I’m coming back to see you
My Old Kentucky and you
My Old Kentucky and you
My Old Kentucky and you

I included Roanoke as a bonus in the favtape just because it’s so classic.

The reason why I think all of this links to my moleskine metaphor is that Monroe’s albums move freely from subject to subject: singing about death one song, then 3 minutes later, singing about the light of men.  And bluegrass as a genre gives musicians the freedom to move like that.  There does not need to be a 5 minute preface on what the song is about or an apology for singing about God, it’s part of the genre.  Likewise, our faith should be part of us, moving freely from our humanity in its depraved state to the glory of God with flexibility.

We are very good at creating categories where God should be and where he shouldn’t and bluegrass just doesn’t come with that foundational mode of operating. Sure, it’s out of tune sometimes, and wrong notes happen but the bluegrass musician is singing out of the soul, something we could do more of. Psalm 69:3 comes to mind:

I am weary with my crying out;
my throat is parched.
My eyes grow dim
with waiting for my God.

My moleskine notebook is a great metaphor for our lives. Its pages exist together in complete bounded harmony, though the pages inside might be varied.  It has grocery lists next to biblical exposition, driving directions next to songs in progress.  This juxtaposition is a helpful and healthy look at spiritual maturity.

When we become more mature in the faith, the faith should become more a part of us- so much so, where if one were to remove the faith from me, I would, in a sense, not be Greg Willson, but something else.  The Word should penetrate our lives to such a deep level that it is a fundamental part of who we are, and us of it.

When this happens, I believe we will not see such a stark divide between all things “spiritual” and “not spiritual” but, in may areas, we will see more things as “spiritual.” Christianity isn’t just praying and reading, but “living-in.”

Living-in is a comfortable, real and almost tangible authenticity.  There is a depth of maturity that exists where we assume (in all its positive connotations) its genuine truth.  This is not a leap of faith, in fact it’s the very opposite.  It seems to come from living and experiencing God’s grace day in and day out over a long period of time.  Understanding that we make mistakes and God is still a loving Father.  Understanding that we can have comfort in the tumult of life.

Living-in means that we don’t switch to Christian-mode when speaking on some subjects and some other mode when speaking on others.  When we make out grocery lists or try and write a worship song, we are living in our identity as believers united to Christ. We seek to be a part of the consistent worldview of all parts of life that God’s voice has to offer.

Now this illustration could also be seen as syncretism, embracing secular non-Christian ideas alongside Christian ideas, but doesn’t have to be that way.  Sure, we could see the moleskine metaphor as one that gives an OK to contradictions, and all that depends on what makes it on to the page.  All of this requires being self-aware, allowing the Spirit to lead us to truth.  But we don’t have to be contradictions- we can live side by side, comfortable in our own faith, and also not assuming our faith (in all its negative connotations).

The assumption I’m referring to is not us becoming more worldly, but the Word becoming more of us. I’m not advocating us to think less, but think more.  We all assume we are part of an earthly family, we don’t doubt its existence and effects on us, all the more, if we are believers, we should assume we are part of the Trinitarian Family and embrace its existence and effects on us.

I’m not in any way saying that I’m at a place like this, but am seeking God to bring me there.  It’s a funny thing, this thing called of sanctification. Just when I feel like I have hold of it, it slips away.  I guess that’s why Jesus said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

Below is our most recent update letter that some of you might also receive in the mail.  Christina and I send out periodic letters to those who support us through prayer and finances to let them know how we’re doing.  If you don’t receive these mailed updates, but would like to, email me with your name and address and you’ll be on our list. Through this, you can also get instructions on tax-deductible donations.

Hello everyone, I hope this letter finds you and your family well! I want to first apologize for not sending these update letters more often.  We love you all and appreciate the time you take to read this and think of us.

The reason why this is letter has taken so long is that I was avoiding writing it. Recently times have been tough for us and many of those who are close to us. It has become  all the more apparent that there is no escape from the brokenness and darkness of sin in this world.  We will always be around it, always be attempting to deal with it.

Sometimes the weight feels unable to bear. How can we really deal with broken families, broken relationships, even death? By God’s own graciousness He has preserved us in these dark times.  And this is the hidden grace that we are finding in the chaos: we understand our need for God more deeply when we embrace our frailty more fully.

Christina and I both thank God that He has kept us in His hand, not removing us from this world and all that comes with it, but by being the strength and safety we need when going through it.
So here goes the current plan: this year, I’m not able to take classes until the summer.  We will be working and saving so that I can finish up next year.  I teach at a private Christian school (mostly Bible classes) and am the worship leader at Orlando Grace, the church we have been members of. I love my jobs.  Sometimes it feels wrong getting paid for them!

Christina is trucking through her third year of teaching. She was given an elective course, Creative Writing, in addition to her normal 7th grade geography classes. This has definitely kept things interesting, but she really is doing well.  In addition to teaching she works part time at Ann Taylor LOFT and is also co-leading a Bible study with a group of friends.

I was originally bitter over the idea of having to take a year off and watch my friends graduate, but God has been working in me on that.  The classes I teach are great applications of my seminary training and the worship leader position has exceeded my expectations.  It’s hard to be bitter when you love what you’re doing.

We are going to be doing all we can to scrimp and save so that I may be able to take classes next year.  We even got two new roommates! Danny and Steven, both cousins of mine, have been staying with us and it’s been great.  We can offer cheap rent, and anything extra we get goes towards the theological fund.

So if you can, please remember us in your prayers.  We need them all the more in these hard times.  Pray that our marriage will deepen as we go through these trials, that we may seek hope amidst hopelessness, that God may provide the means to finish seminary and that our story, as we are going through it, will point others to the light of Christ.  We are just fragmented people in a crooked world who look to God to make us whole.

Also, if you’re interested, swing by our websites and check out what we’re up to.  The addresses are below.  These letters only have so much space! We love you all!

So I just came back from a retreat that brought out some emotions and desires inside of me that I’ve tried to push far down for most of my life.  This is a long time coming and am thankful that I was able to go to those places, but those emotions are so raw and new that I have a very thin layer between non-emotional Greg and uber-emotional Greg.  While it may be socially awkward at times, it’s a very good thing and I welcome it.  It will be a while before I will be able to handle this stuff in a healthy way.

But the title of this post says “Order of Worship,” doesn’t it? Well I think this is an area I’ve been learning much lately- the intersection of the worship leader’s personal life and the structure of the main Sunday worship service.  On one hand, you don’t want the Sunday to be a 1:1 representation of everything a worship leader has experienced that week.  But the truth of the matter is that God has ordained people to lead His people, and people go through stuff.  If God has ordained a pastor of any sort, there’s going to be some carry-over, and if we don’t affirm what God is doing with us, we could miss out on what God has been doing through us.  And being a leader, we have some sort of responsibility of making this known. So it can be tricky, and I’m still learning, but there’s some kind of intersection here.

And that’s where the title of this post comes in to play.  When setting up this worship service, I am still working through all that God has taught me, and here’s how I’m trying to keep my feet in both arenas. In the scriptures read and the songs sung, I’m trying to bring home the idea that we must experience God’s love- and this love reaches deeper than what we give credit for.  When we realize and experience His love, we are now able to take this to others. This is my attempt to navigate those waters this Sunday:

Call to Worship: Psalm 8 and its focus on God’s glory shining brightest when we have our glory.

Song: Famous One
Reading: Psalm 139:1-5, In our darkest moments, God is able to spend an infinite amount of time to bring restoration to our most broken parts.
Confession: from the 1689 London Baptist Confession, on prayer.
Song: Come, Ye Sinners
Song: The Power of the Cross
Reading: Matthew 11:28-30, Come stand before Jesus who is our rest that penetrates to all parts of our being.
Songs: Here I Am to Worship / Famous One reprise

Offertory: There Is a Fountain Filled with Blood (I didn’t pick this, but it worked out great!)

Sermon Text: John 4:1-15 (The Woman at the Well)
Sermon Theme: Because Jesus Christ came into the world on a saving mission for nothing less than the whole world, we should come to know His Messiah by faith and to make him known with winsome zeal.

Response in Song: Let My Words Be Few, standing in the presence of an awesome God.

After a few of my friends were talking up Bram Stoker’s novel, Dracula, I decided to give in and give it a try and I was really surprised.  For me, Dracula has been a great illustration of the Christian life in general and my present circumstances in specific.

One of my surprises was that, even though it was written in 1897 and is a kind of allegory of the Christian life, in many places it is subtle and not a slap-you-in-the-face-with-the-author’s-ideas type of thing.  There are other books that I read that inspire me and resonate deeply within me- the Lord of the Rings trilogy by Tolkien, C.S. Lewis’ The Great Divorce, among others.  And Dracula is right up there with them.

Count Dracula is kind of an anti-Jesus.  Jesus came from above, Dracula comes from the ground. Jesus came to bring light to men, Dracula comes to bring darkness.  Jesus and Dracula have power over nature- Jesus uses it to calm the seas, Dracula uses it to create disruption.  Jesus came that we may be clean, Dracula seeks to infect people with death.  Jesus’ blood brings life, Dracula’s blood brings death.  And the list could go on and on.

Another interesting aspect of the book involves those who are confronted with Dracula.  They are all strong, Christian people with separate lives that each could easily retreat to.  But even the strong believer experiences pain and struggle.  And they cannot turn away from this darkness or act as if it never existed.  They pursue it to end the darkness, though it may cost them their lives.  And they each have a uniqueness that the others don’t have, they each have their specific role in conquering this inhuman evil.

There will be more specific posts on this in the future, and I’ve planned on writing an EP inspired by the novel, so far there are 2 songs written.  I’ll also be posting those in the future as well.

This is a little thing I came up with this morning. The resonator riff is a remnant of when I used Ryan’s guitar.I recorded a bunch of mini-ideas that I could experiment with later on.  So 4 months later, I’m getting the feel of a hip-hop beat with paperbag-like drums.

If one were to analyze (over-analyze?) this piece, these would be my thoughts (but I didn’t go into this piece wanting to create this idea, this is kind of me attempting to analyze my work as if I’ve never heard it before, post-production):

The guitar riff could be seen as our life- we start out with no memory or experiences, become mature and (some drums enter) create memories and experiences.  As we progress in life, it does get more complicated (adding the second group of drums), and though we are still ourselves (the guitar riff unchanging throughout), the overall total melody is different.  As we grow older and older, aspects of life might not be as complicated for we can sort out and discern experiences better, but remnants of our past experiences stay with us (back to the simplified drum beat with reverb).  Then, when our life is over (the guitar stops), our experiences and memories live on after us with those who we’ve had these experiences with.